KIEV, UKRAINE– It was a lucky day for Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky after sitting down on his $100,000 couch and finding $2 million that had fallen out of his pants pocket one day.
After checking his bank account to see if the United States Congress had deposited his $61 billion in aid, a distraught Zelensky was feeling a bit down wondering how he was going to pay the utility bills for his fourth mansion.
“I couldn’t believe my luck,” said Zelensky after finding the loose change from under his couch cushion. “I don’t remember losing that money in my couch, other than the other day I was thinking about how my wallet felt a little lighter. I thought maybe my wife had taken the money out of my wallet again to go on another million dollar shopping spree.”
It wasn’t all good news, said Zelensky, claiming that the United States as well as other foreign countries still need to keep sending him billions of dollars to tackle homophobic, anti-Semitic, climate change racism coming from Russia’s Putin.
At publishing time, Zelensky reported some more good news that he had found another $10 million that had fallen out of his pocket under the car seat of his $500,000 car.
