SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– While giving a speech touting how crime is down thanks to Democrat policies, California Rep. Adam Schiff was robbed in broad daylight in front of a crowd of reporters when a criminal stole his suit while he was still wearing it.
Adam Schiff was in San Francisco on the campaign trail in his bid to become a senator, praising both President Joe Biden and his fellow Democrat politician’s successful crime policies.
“Democrat policies work,” bragged Adam Schiff as a homeless man in a black ski mask removed his expensive suit and then took off running. “As you can plainly see, thanks to both President Biden, myself, and my fellow Democrat colleagues, crime is now down both here in California and around the country.”
Now standing naked and frozen in fear from behind the podium, Schiff pointed toward a chart behind him that showed how crime in all the major Democrat-run cities has been going down, up until another criminal came up and stole the chart so that he could feed his starving family.
“Statistics don’t lie,” said Schiff while lying. “One day there will be zero crime under us Democrats once we just stop reporting crimes altogether.”
After the reporters were shot dead and then had their camera equipment stolen, Schiff warned Americans that if they don’t keep electing Democrats then Republicans might start trying to solve the nonexistent crime epidemic.
