TOKYO, JAPAN– A shiftless Japanese businessman was terminated from his main job this week after both his bosses and fellow coworkers grew tired of his lazy work ethic and refusal to work more than 165 hours per week.
The 32-year-old worker Namakemono (怠け者 ) was let go from his business job at Wakarimasen (わかりません) when he selfishly refused to devote more time in the office by working the full 168 hour workweek, causing his unhappy coworkers to have to pick up the slack and call for his ouster.
“Yes, we were left with no choice but to fire that stupid, lazy, bastard baka ‘馬鹿’,” said Namakemono’s boss Hara Ga Tatsu (腹が立つ) while punching another employee in the head for wasting her time breathing. “We do not tolerate lazy slobs in our organization who only work 165 hours a week. There’s 168 hours in one week, which is the bare minimum to work. It’s only Wednesday and I’ve already worked 469 hours this week.”
When reached for comment, Namakemono said he was extremely upset and sorry for being a lazy bum by not working more hours, but claimed that he needed to have those three hours a week to himself because it took him over five hours just to take the subway to work in the morning and another four hours to get to his second job at night.
“I have disgraced myself and my family,” said Namakemono with sad eyes and a heavy heart. “I understand I have let down my bosses, coworkers, and my family. I have made Japan the laughing stock of the world and I am deeply regretful for being such a burden on society.”
After this article was written, it was reported that Namakemono had been disowned by his family for being totally useless and the Japanese government had him arrested where he faces the death penalty for his crime of sluggishness.
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