KIAWAH ISLAND, SOUTH CAROLINA– Not certain if the world knew where her loyalties lied, Republican presidential candidate Nimarata “Nikki Haley” Randhawa got her forehead inked with the words ‘I Stand With Israel’ after a few people on earth still weren’t sure if she supported the Middle East foreign country that she’s not supposed to be representing.
After her 3,141,592 Twitter X posts and 6,535,897 speeches talking about her support for Israel instead of what she plans on doing for American citizens if elected to the White House, Haley decided those words and posts were not enough and wanted to get permanently branded so there’s no more confusion on who she really works for.
“I stand with Israel,” wrote Haley on Twitter X for the sixty-ninth time within the last thirty minutes. “I proved it by getting this tattoo. Israel is our friend. We must stand with Israel, who’s our closest ally. When I become president, I will stand with Israel even more. I may even sit with Israel, sleep with Israel, and run with Israel. Have I ever mentioned I stand with Israel?”
Even though Haley believed she had made herself abundantly clear that she stood with Israel, there were still a few potential voters who weren’t sure if she really stood for Israel or if the tattoo was even real.
“Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has my full support to nuke the entire world,” said Haley during an interview with Fox News. “Finish them, finish every last one of them. If you don’t support Israel killing the entire world’s population then you are anti-Semitic and no friend of mine.”
Still feeling as though she hadn’t shown her support for Israel enough, Haley legally changed her first name to “I Stand With Israel” Haley and also renamed her two children to “I Stand” and “With Israel.”
I stand to urinate.