CARMEL, INDIANA– During a presidential rally inside of his living room back in Indiana, former vice president Mike Pence made a major announcement that he has decided to run for both president of Ukraine and also president of Israel.
Immediately after the war broke out between Israel and Palestine, Pence told his supporters the good news that when he wins the 2024 US Presidential Election he will be putting America dead last and will be focusing all of his attention and financial funding on Israel and Ukraine.
“Unfortunately this is a bittersweet moment, friends,” said Mike Pence in regards to being both sad for Israel’s war but also happy he’s going to send them a lot more money. “But the good news is, the Lord God has spoken to me once again and He has told me that America was put here to do both Ukraine and Israel’s bidding, which means a lot more money for them and a lot less money for you the American people.”
Pence stressed numerous times that the United States is not his concern and he will be putting American citizens last, but was wrestling with grief at whether he was going to put Ukraine first and Israel second or vice versa.
“This decision has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart,” said Pence as he held the flags of both countries in each hand. “I’m going to keep praying about which country to put in the number one spot, but the only thing I do know for sure is that America is unequivocally last. It’s so far down on my list of priorities I may just move the White House to Tel Aviv.”
At publishing time, Pence was still uncertain whether he was going to give more money, weapons, and supplies to either Israel or Ukraine but reiterated in case anyone missed it that he doesn’t care at all about America, America’s not his concern, and asked the other Republican candidates to make a pledge to also put America last.
