SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO– In order to combat a serious environmental epidemic, Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham has issued an emergency public health order banning all New Mexico citizens from breathing for at least an entire month.
“No constitutional right to breathe, in my view, is intended to be absolute,” said Governor Grisham when asked by a reporter how it’s legal to take away people’s right to breathe. “New Mexico is suffering from a severe climate change emergency and simply wearing a mask is not enough to solve this major environmental catastrophe.”
Governor Grisham’s executive order will suspend people’s right to breathe for a minimum of one month, possibly longer, depending on how many residents are still alive after not breathing for 30 days.
“New Mexicans shouldn’t be afraid of dying from another person’s dangerous carbon dioxide,” said Governor Grisham while breathing. “I’m also putting together an Anti-Breathing police task force to go around making sure no one’s taking in any oxygen. Violators caught breathing will face severe penalties, such as having their nose and mouth superglued shut.”
Governor Grisham herself, along with many other politicians, and a few select elite citizens are exempt from the No Breathing ban.
“We all have to make small sacrifices in order to make a big difference for our environment,” said Governor Grisham once the roomful of people passed out.
