PAYSON, UTAH– A major sale is currently underway at popular gun safe company Liberty Safe for the next 24 hours and if customers act now and order a safe then they can get their very own FBI agent to live inside of their home for free.
“We here at Liberty Safe take our customer’s security very seriously,” said Liberty spokesperson Rod Cannon as workers loaded FBI agents into the safes to be sold. “That’s why we’ve partnered with the heroes at the FBI to offer this special once in a lifetime deal.”
While agents practiced shooting at cardboard cutouts of potential customers, Cannon added, “Anyone who buys a safe will get a free FBI agent to watch over their every move to make sure they’re not doing anything stupid, like owning guns or following the Constitution. It’s kind of like having an older brother who picks on you all the time and gives you atomic wedgies and then shoots you because he really cares about you.”
As of this writing, Liberty Safe stated that they surprisingly hadn’t sold any safes so they tried sweetening the deal by also offering potential buyers their very own indictments.
