BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY– Investigators have presented new evidence in the case of Senator Rand Paul’s office building fire, with a recent security camera video showing a strange, elflike creature laughing as it fled the scene with what appears to be a syringe in its hand.
The surveillance video shows the tiny creature laughing maniacally as it squirted a substance onto Senator Paul’s office from a medical syringe and then turned around and appeared to have farted before the building burst into flames.
A firefighter on the scene claimed to have seen the elf and said it was speaking in a gravelly New York accent about how the substance shot out of the syringe was definitely safe and effective.
“I didn’t really think anything was weird about that little elf guy at the time cause he told me he was a medical professional,” said Firefighter Smokey Blaze to news reporters. “He said his name was Tony and that he loved dogs and then proceeded to inject me with something he promised would make me feel better.”
The fire damage to Paul’s office came only one day after he said that he was referring Dr. Anthony Fauci for investigation.
Democrats and the DOJ have confirmed that it’s simply a coincidence that Paul’s office was burnt down after his announcement that Fauci was referred for investigation. They also said that the security camera footage had mysteriously vanished and the elflike creature was merely a figment of the firefighter’s imagination.
At publishing time, the firefighter had committed suicide by shooting himself nine times in the back of the head before dumping his body into a trash dumpster.
