KIEV, UKRAINE– An earthshattering new development has just been announced out of Ukraine with President Volodymyr Zelensky issuing a challenge to Vladimir Putin that if the Russian president can defeat him in a drag queen dance off then he will peacefully surrender all of Ukraine immediately.
While wearing a blonde wig, makeup, and a dress, Zelensky gave a televised press conference daring Putin to dress up like a woman and come to Ukraine to see which one of the world leaders is the better dancer.
“I am challenging President Putin to a dance off and the winner takes Ukraine,” said Zelensky as he twerked for news reporters. “I am completely confident that I not only look better as a woman than Mr. Putin, but that I am more highly skilled at shaking my balls in front of other men. Let’s see if Mr. Putin is man enough to dress up in drag and dance.”
Zelensky said he knows he will win the drag dance competition because he has a long history of doing similar things while working in the entertainment industry, such as wearing high-heels and grinding on men, playing the piano with his penis while naked, and performing various other homoerotic acts purely for entertainment and not because he enjoys it.
“This drag queen dance competition will prove to the world which president is more manly,” said Zelensky while applying his red lipstick. “Let’s see if President Putin is man enough to wear a dress and shake his ass for the world.”
After Putin issued his own challenge to come to Russia and wrestle a bear within shark infested waters while handcuffed for control of both Russia and Ukraine, Zelensky laughed at the offer and said the challenge was too weak, effeminate, and easy compared to wearing drag.
