MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– In a shocking twist to the already controversial Trump arrest saga, New York prosecutors have just announced that they are dropping all investigations into Donald Trump after celebrity Trump-hater Rob Reiner tweeted on Twitter X that he was planning on dancing naked in the streets as soon as the former president was indicted.
Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg gave an emergency press conference to report the huge news that he has dropped any pending charges against Trump and gave a special message to actor Rob Reiner that he is in no way, shape, or form to remove any of his clothes in public and then jiggle his portly body around.
“I have decided to drop all charges against Trump as quickly as possible.” said DA Bragg as he vomited inside of his mouth at the image of Reiner naked. “So now that Mr. Trump has been cleared of any wrongdoing, I’m asking Mr. Rob Reiner to please, for the love of God, do not take your clothes off and dance naked in public while celebrating Trump’s arrest.”
After being questioned by news reporters at why it was so horrible for Reiner to dance naked, Bragg held up an infamous photo of the shirtless celebrity filmmaker while he was walking around in only a speedo on a beach, giving nauseous journalists a small glimpse at what it would be like if he had indicted Trump.
“Look at it, look at it,” screamed Bragg at reporters who tried turning their heads away from the nude photo. “What the hell was I supposed to do. George Soros doesn’t pay me enough money to watch Reiner’s disgusting, obese flesh and hairy scrotum bouncing all around in glee. I’d vote for Trump before having to witness that monstrosity.”
After hearing the disheartening news that Trump wasn’t going to be indicted, an irate Reiner told Bragg that he’s going to post a video of himself bathing on Twitter X every day until Trump’s arrested.
