MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– Donald Trump is set to be possibly arrested next week after New York prosecutors said they’ll indict the president with irrefutable proof that Trump once burped around a group of people and ruthlessly refused to say “excuse me.”
“That’s it, we finally got him,” said Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg in reference to finally taking down Trump. “We’ve been investigating Trump for a very long time, and we’re proud to announce that we now have concrete, irrefutable proof that former President Trump once burped around a group of people and did not say ‘excuse me,’ ‘pardon me,’ ‘my apologies,’ or even ‘yeah, that was me.'”
DA Bragg said that this is a serious crime and that he found out about the infamous burp after an anonymous woman came forward and claimed that Trump looked her right in the eyes, burped, and then winked at her, saying she also felt as though the president’s belch somehow penetrated her body against her will.
Trump took to his Truth Social account to defend himself, saying the burp-gate controversy was just another witch-hunt being perpetrated by the corrupt Democrats in an effort to prevent him from running for the 2024 presidency.
“This is an attack on your favorite president,” wrote Trump. “This is simply a witch-hunt and it’s already been proven that I have never burped in my life because if I did people would remember it since it would have been the most beautiful, melodic burp you’ve ever heard.”
At publishing time, prosecutors said they also have evidence that Trump once left the toilet seat up inside of a restaurant and urinated all over the lid.
