WASHINGTON– As banks continue to close over the looming financial crisis, Joe Biden had some reassuring news for the American people, saying that everyone’s bank deposits are safe as long as you don’t have any money.
“Rest assured, folks, you have nothing to worry about,” whispered Biden as he bent into the microphone. “All your bank deposits, savings accounts, and investments are completely safe as long as you don’t have any money in them.”
The president did his best to calm the American people’s nerves who may have been slightly concerned over losing all of their hard-earned money after the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank and many other financial institutions appearing shaky.
“The easiest way to solve this banking crisis is to just not have any money, Jack,” said Biden, showing off his competent financial skills. “Look at me, do I seem worried to you? I plan on solving your financial woes by having my new team of IRS agents take every dime you have. Don’t worry, we’ll get through this together.”
Biden also told homeowners who are having trouble paying their mortgages that they’ll be completely fine as long as they don’t have a home.
