U.S.– Due to all the recent allegations of impropriety against retired physician Dr. Fauci, the ubiquitous COVID virus has explicitly stated that it has now disowned the disgraced doctor and has also asked him to please refrain from mentioning its name or even saying that the two of them have ever known each other.
The embarrassed virus told news reporters that it’s been keeping its distance from Fauci even though the doctor has been stalking it and calling it on the phone in an effort to work together once again by unleashing a more powerful strain of itself onto the vulnerable public.
“I want this on record that I never want to see or speak to Fauci ever again,” said COVID-19 virus, holding back tears. “Fauci is an evil man who created me and then used me for diabolical purposes. He lied to me and said I was made to help humanity by making them feel better, not to actually kill them.”
The virus released a secret phone recording that it had with Fauci recently, with the infectious disease physician angrily telling the virus that he was his father and that together they can destroy humanity and then rule the galaxy together as father and son.
“Fauci said I owe him because he created me and that I have to listen to him because he’s my dad,” said the virus as its spike proteins trembled. “I was always a little suspicious of whether he was really my father since we don’t even look alike, but I always assumed I must’ve taken after my mother’s good looks.”
The virus also unveiled another startling secret, saying that Fauci is also the father of many other dangerous viruses. including the H1N1 swine flu virus, the Zika virus, and the HIV virus.
