WASHINGTON– After losing a slew of expected races to Democrats during the midterm elections, RINOs in the Republican party were said to be cheering and celebrating the fact that they can now stay in the minority and continue to do nothing while the country burns to the ground.
RINOs Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham were all smiles as they gave a celebratory press conference bragging about losing numerous important races to the Democrats, saying that if they had won the majority then perhaps their conservative constituents would have expected them to actually do something and make changes for the better.
“We really dodged a bullet this time around,” said a giddy Graham, referring to losing numerous Senate and House seats. “I got scared there for a moment after seeing Republicans taking the lead, but then felt a sigh of relief once all the vote counting camera systems went down and the Democrats came back out on top.”
McConnell explained that the word RINO refers to Republicans In Name Only and said he proudly wears the badge of phony Republican and was especially ecstatic after learning that he’s now hated by both Democrat and Republican voters alike.
“I did enough work recently trying to help the Democrats win, so now it’s time for me to take it easy,” said McConnell as him and Graham clinked champagne glasses. “Us RINOs could not in good faith let these MAGA Republicans win too many elections cause that would set off a chain reaction around the country of getting things done and the establishment GOP just can’t have that.”
Both McConnell and Graham promised Americans that things will get back to business as usual, promising to save all their energy in an effort to make sure a Republican doesn’t win the 2024 presidential election.
