LITTLE SAINT JAMES, VIRGIN ISLANDS– In response to all the turmoil they’ve been receiving from Florida, Disney World recently moved their entertainment resort to the much more apt Epstein Island and promised to keep the memory of Jeffrey Epstein’s lifework alive inside their parks.
Disney claims the relocation is in response to the strange, authoritarian way Governor Ron DeSantis refuses to let adults in Florida inundate five year old children with sex, grooming, and transitioning.
“Epstein Island was the perfect place for us to relocate our child-themed resort,” said Cain Gomorrah, Disney representative. “We even turned all Epstein’s underground torture chambers into a cool, hip new park. The kids will love it.”
Gomorrah said The Island of Sin aligns perfectly with the current Disney World agenda, other than the activities that used to go on at Epstein Island were a little too mild for the direction Disney is planning on going in the future.
“Epstein had the right idea, but he just didn’t take it far enough,” said Gomorrah as he prepared to sacrifice a chicken to Moloch. “Disney is a progressive company that seeks to expand the lives and minds of children in a way that Mr. Epstein failed to accomplish.”
Within one week of relocating to Epstein Island, Disney World was mysteriously destroyed by sulfur and fire. Sources say President Joe Biden’s son Hunter was interested in purchasing the island as a main headquarters for all his extracurricular business activities.
