WASHINGTON– With the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine, AOC said that she decided to dump out all her Russian dressing in support of Russia’s ongoing invasion of France.
While giving a speech somewhere other than inside her district, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pounded the podium to grab everyone’s attention before holding up two bottles of Russian dressing that she normally kept inside her home oven.
“Like, I won’t stand for Russia’s totally illegal attack on the France people,” said AOC as she dumped out the contents of the salad dressing bottle onto the podium. “So from here on out, I will be doing my part in support of France’s ongoing struggle by only buying French dressing from the pet store.”
After wiping the splattered dressing from her face, hair, and clothes, AOC gave an impassioned plea to President Vladimir Putin to leave France alone because they have the best French toast and French fries.
“Russia’s attack on France will drive up the cost of French fries at McDonalds, mark my words,” said AOC before pushing away a hungry homeless man who was licking the dressing from off her hair. “This is why I’m calling on President Biden to immediately increase the minimum wage to $900 an hour so poor people can afford to support France too.”
Biden said he would be receptive on implementing AOC’s minimum wage increase plan so long as she lets him lick the rest of the dressing from off her hair.
