HACKETTSTOWN, NJ– Mars, Incorporated is facing major backlash from progressives after the M&Ms candy company recently introduced a new straight, white male character in an effort to be more inclusive, not realizing at the time that promoting a Caucasian character is considered racist.
The new white character was chosen by Mars, Incorporated after the company stated that it wasn’t enough to just simply sell candy to customers and they wanted to become more dynamic and progressive in an effort to join numerous other businesses that put woke identity politics first.
Unfortunately for the candy company their new choice didn’t sit well with the 1% Always Offended population, forcing them to apologize for introducing the wrong color character before removing the racist white male M&Ms from the market immediately.
“We’re truly sorry for anyone we’ve hurt in the 1% Always Offended community,” wrote Mars, Incorporated in their apology statement. “In our haste to become more inclusive and progressive, we failed to realize that promoting straight, white males doesn’t reflect the current social climate.”
In conjunction with the FBI, Mars, Incorporated identified all the racist white M&Ms characters and then turned them over to the federal law enforcement agency where the white supremacist candies were charged with sedition, insurrection, and terrorism and then sentenced to 50 years in prison by a leftwing, Obama appointed liberal judge.
