AUSTIN, TEXAS– Former Democratic US Representative Beto O’Rourke has recently announced he’s running against Republican Greg Abbott in the upcoming Texas election, saying that he wants to be the very first real Mexican-American governor of the Lone Star State.
Beto, who sometimes goes by his fake Caucasian name Robert Francis, gave an impassioned speech in front of a local Mexican restaurant, wearing a colorful sombrero hat and sporting a fake black mustache to look more in line with his Hispanic heritage.
“Hola, amigos,” said Beto in his best Spanish accent as passersby ignored him. “Buenos dias, and gracias to all my familia for coming out here to support me, Beto, the first real Hispanic American hombre for governor of Texas.”
As Mexican-American pedestrians crossed the street to get away from the screaming white man dressed in the oversized sombrero, Beto explained to them that just because he looks, talks, acts, and speaks like a white man, his heart is definitely related to the Latino community.
“Hablas español?” Beto asked the annoyed people across the street in case they didn’t understand his fluent Spanish speaking skills. “C’mon, amigos, I’m one of you. Isn’t it obvious? I eat tacos every Tuesday and party with my bros every Cinco de Mayo. If you vote for me I’ll even play a Mariachi song on my phone during the debate just like Joe Biden did when he played the Despacito song.”
Tonto del culo