ATLANTA, GEORGIA– After another week of Biden gaining popularity among the American people, CNN was proud to announce that a recent poll showed that the president’s approval rating has reached an all-time high of -69%, making this an unparalleled record for a sitting commander-in-chief.
According to the poll conducted by CNN, more than 329 million US citizens stated they think that Biden is taking the country in the correct direction and also feel that he’s been doing a remarkable job during his time in office.
“Biden’s approval rating is surging because he’s the most popular president of all time,” said CNN host Anderson Cooper, reading off CNN president’s cue cards. “Biden’s massive poll numbers are indicative of a man who definitely won the 2020 Presidential election legitimately without cheating.”
Some anonymous sources close to the news network have suggested that former President Donald Trump was overheard screaming loudly in a jealous rage once he heard the news that Biden’s poll numbers were so much more impressive than his ever were and so much better than any other leader in the history of the world.
“Trump dreams about having poll numbers as massively high as President Biden,” added Cooper as his nose grew on camera. “I attribute Biden’s growing popularity with how in touch he is with the average American, especially if that average American is a young, pretty female with long hair.”
UPDATE: After this article was written, CNN released another poll showing Biden’s approval rating going up even higher to a staggering -156% once people found out the president mandated that all citizens must burn their children alive in an effort to stave off the dreaded COVID virus.
He also won with 900 gazillion votes.
Let’s go Brandon.
Even this poll number is way too high.