BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA– The Holy Bible has been revised once again in an effort to help prevent any future systemic racism by rewriting all the verses to read “kneel before Black Lives Matter” instead of “kneel before God the Father.”
The long overdue update to the archaic book was completed by a group of liberal professors at the University of Historical Revisionists in order to better reflect the current climate where every white person must bow down before BLM to atone for their racist past, present, and future.
One of the Bible’s most formerly prominent verses Romans 14:11 had the words “Me” and God” removed and will now read: “For it is written, As I live, says BLM, every knee shall bow to Black Lives Matter, and every tongue shall give praise to BLM.”
The religious overhaul is being praised by many contemporary Christian leaders, including Pastor Madison Taylor, a progressive preacher who is currently transitioning to a woman.
“This was a long overdue alteration to the numerous racist, white supremacist passages in the Bible,” Pastor Taylor said as he reapplied his red lipstick. “How will we ever evolve as a society if all the world’s white people don’t bow down and kneel before the Almighty BLM?”
Pastor Taylor went on to say that even though the recent revision is a step in the right direction, it still isn’t enough.
“I’m petitioning our true progressive Christian leaders to have the book of Revelations rewritten,” Pastor Taylor added. “It’s too mean and scary and may frighten sensitive individuals. I’m also suggesting that we change the end of the Bible and have Satan win instead of God. I kind of feel bad for the guy always getting picked on by a bully.”
