BEIJING, CHINA– Increasing tensions ahead of Washington talks, China vowed to retaliate against President Donald Trump’s tariff hikes by pulling every single Chinese restaurant within the United States.
China’s Commerce Ministry promised they will take “necessary countermeasures” if Trump’s increases take effect. A ministry spokesman said they have already started the defensive measures by stopping all exports of fortune cookies into the United States.
Thousands of frantic Americans have left their homes in search of Chinese food, which many people say they can’t live without.
Lloyd Christmas, a 39 year old Chinese food fanatic, says he’s been to five restaurants today and every one of them has turned him away, saying they’re not allowed to serve Americans until Trump stops all tariff proceedings.
“I can’t live without General’s Tso’s chicken”, he said in a panic as many pro-Chinese food customers took to the streets in protest of Trump’s tariffs. Many Twitter users are citing a three year old tweet where Trump praised China and his love for Chinese food.
Trump threw global Chinese restaurants into turmoil as restaurant owners around the world fear all the restaurant owners in America will set up shop in their country.
“That’s more competition for me,” said Marciano Jose Hernandez, a Chinese restaurant owner in Mexico. “With Trump’s new tariff hikes and China’s ban on America, all these owners will have to open up new restaurants somewhere else, which will make me lose mucho dinero. Thanks, Trump.”
Earlier this month, Trump raised duties on $250 billion Chinese imports of Make America Great Again hats that he plans on using for his upcoming campaign.
In response, imports of Trump’s The Art of the Deal books into China tumbled 69%, but his latest book My New Book Is Beautiful remains a best seller.
