SPACE– A solar eclipse that went blind after staring at a human in 1962 is warning other solar eclipses not to stare at any humans on Saturday’s next rare event.
Celeste the eclipse said that it only took about 10 seconds to lose his sight. Eclipse scientists have been warning eclipses for centuries not to stare directly at humans during a Grandis Homo Sapiens Coitus, which only occurs about once every 50 years.
A Grandis Homo Sapiens Coitus is a much anticipated event on earth that happens once every 50 years. During the event, a group of portly naked men and women take to the beaches and have full intercourse out in public while ravenous seagulls chew on their bodily warts. This awe-inspiring occasion has been studied by both solar and lunar eclipses for decades.
“I couldn’t resist watching,” Celeste the eclipse told NASA scientists during a space to earth transmission. “I heard so much about this event growing up and wanted to see it for myself. Eclipses in the scientific community said that the Grandis Homo Sapiens Coitus was like a car wreck, so disgusting that you just can’t look away.”
Even though Celeste only stared at the naked display for a mere 10 seconds, it was long enough to have the revolting image burned into his eyes and brain for the rest of his miserable life.
“I can’t stop seeing it,” Celeste added. “Although I took part in such a rare historic event, the last image of my life will be of those very large humans having sweaty sex while seagulls sat on their obese backs defecating and chewing on the humans’ neck warts.”
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars