MIAMI, FLORIDA– In an effort to smooth over relations with Mexico, billionaire businessman Donald Trump recently hired Mexican mariachi band Los Mierdas to play background music during all of his televised speeches, news interviews, Republican debates, Twitter tweets, and whenever he makes love to his wife Melania.
In a one on one interview with Univision host Jorge Ramos, Trump summed up the deal he made with Mexico’s most popular mariachi band.
“This’s the deal of the century,” Trump told Ramos as Los Mierdas played loudly behind him. “Look, Jorge, I know we had our differences, but this proves that I truly love Mexico and the Mexican people.
“I offered these guys a place to stay in my backyard shed,” Trump said louder as Los Mierdas upped their tempo. “Of course I had all the lawn equipment removed first. I figured while they’re here in the US I’ll show ’em what it’s like to live the American dream.”
Not convinced, Jorge Ramos pressed Trump on his ulterior motives. “Let me speak, man. Are we supposed to believe, man, that after all you said about us Mexicans, man, that we’re to be believe this is genuine, man? Can I please speak?”
“Mexicans love me,” Trump added, taking a beef burrito out of his five thousand dollar suit jacket pocket and offering it to one of the Los Mierdas band members.
“Look at that,” he said as he took back the burrito and laughed. “I just taught this man a valuable lesson. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
After shoving the burrito into his mouth, Trump showcased his talents as a shrewd New York businessman. “They don’t know it yet, but these guys’re actually paying me so they can play here. Then, once I become president, I’ll be using these guys as mortar to build our Mexican border wall.”
Trump finished Jorge Ramos’ interview by having his security detail throw Ramos out of his own Univision news set.
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