BURRO, BRAZIL– Want to see the future of law enforcement? Brazil’s new Mardi Gras police department may have set the standard for all other departments to follow.
Crime in Burro has reportedly dropped dramatically, thanks in part to their drunken Mardi Gras police officers spending their time partying and celebrating while crimes take place.
According to Burro city councilman Hector Jose Hummock, Mardi Gras police must be intoxicated before suiting up in their police-issued uniforms and hitting the streets in search of the perfect party.
“Crime has almost become nonexistent,” said Hummock as he sipped on his tenth can of beer. “Even though crime has technically risen dramatically in Burro, the fact that everyone in law enforcement as well as Burro’s politicians are constantly drunk makes us feel like crime has actually decreased.”
The policemen’s uniforms, says Hummock, gives criminals the impression that officers are not taking their job seriously. That ruse has tricked local criminals into committing more crimes, which causes officials to drink even more alcohol and see things as having improved.
“Our studies show,” Hummock added, sprawled out across the floor of his office, “that citizens are more concerned with statistics from their local government, not whether those statistics are true or not. If information is reported on the mainstream media then it has to be true. Just ask our American friends.”
The city of Burro wants all would-be criminals to know that the Mardi Gras police will be out in full force this coming holiday and all holidays that follow.
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