NEW YORK, NEW YORK– U.S. sperm banks have recently lowered interest rates and state that more policy initiatives lie ahead, citing a U.S. slowdown of donations.
As sperm banks desperately try harder and harder to boost demand, the importance of sperm drop-off policy continues unabated. Sperm banks are reassuring donors that these rate changes will not affect the quantity of pornographic materials within the drop-off rooms, but may have a minimal affect on its quality.
“There’s gonna be a slight qualitative issue,” warns Tom Tomerson, a representative for Stain’s Sperm Bank of Yonkers. “Due to central sperm banks policy changes, stagnate erectile conditions, restrained donor masturbation sessions, and ongoing contagion risks from tainted masturbation lubricants, the quality of the pornographic material will be affected.”
When asked what kind of qualitative issues the selection of pornographic materials will have, Tomerson took an adult magazine out of his briefcase and explained.
“Unfortunately there’s gonna be a slight decrease in the appearance of all the magazines’ models,” he said as he showed reporters a copy of Busty Wrinkled Ladies Over 70.
It is also important to note that the International Sperm Fund and World Sperm Bank have hinted at qualitative easing efforts from unidentified groups out of Iraq.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
I should be a millionaire then.