China Purchases Checkers Restaurant In Major Deal

TAMPA, FLORIDA– A major deal was made today between the Checkers restaurant organization and China, which means yet another American company has sold its proverbial soul to World China.

According to a spokesman from Checkers, the restaurant chain was sold to very grateful Chinese businessmen for a whopping one million yen (9,073.55 US) and the deal was finalized with help from Chow Fan, a 55 year old Chinese fisherman with a third grade education.

“Today, Checkers made history,” said 44 year old Brad Spitt, a Checkers representative. “With China’s acquisition of our Checkers restaurant chain, our board of directors, CEO, and other high-paid do-nothings will be able to focus their attention on a project that’s been on the back-burner for a while.”

When asked by reporters what this mysterious project is, Mr. Spitt was tight-lipped.

“The only thing I can say, is that this’s a project that’s been on the back-burner for a while,” he repeated. “So, let’s just say that this’s been on the back-burner for a while.”

The Chinese company that purchased Checkers, Moo Goo Gai Pan, has developed a complicated technological system that uses electromagnetic induction energy to heat the water that’s used to cook Chinese food. A Chinese businessman from Moo Goo Gai Pan claims that this is the reason why Chinese food is so irresistible to Americans.

“This why our food so tasty,” said businessman Jet Li. “Over last, say, three thousand year we have developed our heated water down to a science. Why you think America love our Chinese food so much and yet, as hard as they try, they never can duplicate our recipes.”

While it’s true that every single American that’s tried to cook Chinese dishes has failed, statistics show that most people just order take out.

“American’s will love our new and improve Chinese Checkers recipes,” Li added as he showed reporters a Chinese Checkers menu. “We replace old Checkers Baconzilla with new Egg Foo Youngzilla, Cheese Champ with Chow Mein Champ, Rally Burger with Rice Burger, and many other.

“And our American friends will be happy to know,” Li said with a smile, “that every order you purchase will take only ten minute and will come with fortune cookie.”