Tat-shaming On The Rise

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON– Adding to the already excessive name-calling and rudeness that is ubiquitous anywhere normal people are gathered together, tat-shaming is becoming one of the most prevalent means of making fun of people, surpassing even fat-shaming, gay-shaming, slut-shaming, and politician-shaming in popularity.

According to a study performed by the Political Correctness Society of America, 5 out of 10 people have claimed that they were victims of tat-shaming and have been tat-shamed on more than one occasion. Many of the people polled also stated that they don’t even have tattoos, making this an even bigger crime.

“The statistics don’t lie,” said 45 year old Helen Gunther, head of the Political Correctness Society of America and tat-shaming victim. “Our research shows that tat-shaming is on the rise and more and more people are too afraid to get tattoos or mutilate their bodies from head to toe. It’s a sick, twisted world that we live in where innocent tattoo lovers have to hide in the closets or cover their tattooed faces with Islamic burkas. So, not only are these victims tat-shamed, but now they’re also Muslim-shamed for covering their faces. Where does it end?”

Tat-shaming, Gunther claims, is the act of insulting someone for having tattoos and then later claiming that the disparaging remarks were meant to be humorous.        

“There’s nothing funny about getting tat-shamed,” she added, pulling up her sleeves and showing reporters her tribal tattoos running up and down her pasty arms. “I too am a victim of tat-shaming and I’m forced to hide who I am. If this was a perfect world I’d be able to go to work in a string bikini and show off the pair of eyes that I had tattooed on my buttocks.”

Gunther and the Political Correctness Society of America in conjunction with the White House are currently seeking ways to combat the increasingly dangerous act of tat-shaming.

“Tat-shamers should be imprisoned for life,” Gunther said irately. “That’s why I’m working with Washington to try to get a law passed that deals with these mentally-unstable, criminal tat-shamers. If this bill gets passed, tat-shamers will think twice about joking around with someone’s tattooed appearance if it means that they’re looking at 35 years minimum prison time for it.”