CHATTANOOGA, TENNESSEE– A seismology expert out of Chattanooga has been making the news this week after his discovery that the United States has millions of sink holes and citizens are in grave danger of losing valuable items.
According to seismologist Marty Henderson, bathrooms in millions of households, businesses, airports, bus stations, and public parks across the country contain dangerous sink holes, citing that at any moment someone may be washing their hands or brushing their teeth and something may fall down the dangerous sink hole.
“This’s a very precarious position the United States is in,” 37 year old Henderson said in a panic during a one on one interview with Science Daily magazine. “My discovery has unearthed what many have surmised over the last few decades. Almost every household in the country has at least one sink with a hole in it whereby water drains after the faucet is turned on.
“Some homes have more than one sink hole,” he explained further, showing a Science Daily reporter a graph with a crayon drawing of a bathroom sink on it. “More affluent people tend to have these sinks in their kitchens as well. A home with two sinks is at double the risk of having two holes, increasing their chances of losing something valuable down the hole, maybe even someone’s wedding ring, God forbid.”
A sink, Henderson informed, is a bowl-shaped plumbing fixture used for brushing teeth, washing hands, dishwashing, giving pets a bath, cleaning off your testicles, wiping horse manure from the bottom of your bare feet, and various other purposes. He also stated that most sinks have areas that emit either hot or cold water, depending on the temperature of your testicles and whether they have hair on them or not.
“These sink holes do have their weaknesses,” he insisted as he showed Science Daily how to carefully wash off his testicles in the sink. “These sink holes, or as I have named them drains, can become stopped-up or clogged if, let’s say, perhaps too much testicle hair gets trapped down the drain. I discovered that if you use a strong enough amount of suction then the drain will unclog itself, which led me to another invention that I created this week. I’m calling it the Plunger.”
Look for Henderson on next week’s episode of Shark Tank where he unveils his newest invention the Plunger and also watch for the Plunger to hit store shelves in time for Christmas.
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