India Retaliates Against Visa Pause By Tripling IRS Arrest Warrants And Extended Car Warranty Scam Calls
NEW DELHI, INDIA — India announced Wednesday that it would retaliate against the Trump administration's worldwide pause on immigrant-visa appointments by dramatically increasing the production of IRS arrest warrants, Social…
Man Arrives In Hell To Discover Eternal Torment Is Just Being Followed By Flock Cameras
HELL — A newly damned man arrived in Hell this week expecting the traditional eternal punishment of fire, brimstone, and demonic torture, only to discover that Satan had devised something…
Target Apologizes To Black Community For Racist Clown Costume By Offering 10% Off Next Purchase Of Fried Chicken
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Following a nationwide PR disaster, Target executives issued a sweeping apology Monday after the retailer came under fire for selling a children's blacklight clown costume that critics condemned…
Doug Ford Threatens To Punish America By Stopping Ontario From Making Money
TORONTO, ONTARIO — Ontario Premier Doug Ford issued a stern warning to U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday, declaring that if the proposed 50% tariffs go into effect, Ontario is…
Mark Carney Caves On Tariffs After Trump Threatens To Return Ted Cruz To Canada
OTTAWA, CANADA — Prime Minister Mark Carney abruptly caved on Canada's retaliatory tariffs against the United States Sunday after President Donald Trump threatened to return Canadian-born Sen. Ted Cruz to…
Texas Longhorn Forced To Sell Itself On Street Corner After Losing Job To Cheaper Foreign Cattle
FORT WORTH, TEXAS — A Texas Longhorn who spent years preparing for a respectable career in the American beef industry has reportedly been forced onto a street corner to sell itself…
Lindsay Clancy Supporters Erect 40-Foot Bronze Altar To Moloch Outside Courthouse
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — The plaza outside the Plymouth County Courthouse took on a distinctively ancient, yet deeply therapeutic atmosphere Friday morning as supporters of Lindsay Clancy unveiled a brand new, 40-foot bronze…
Harry And Meghan Demand Privacy During Nationwide Publicity Tour To Announce Their Return To Britain
LONDON, UK — In a desperate bid to finally be left alone, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have launched a massive, highly publicized 47-city nationwide tour across the United Kingdom…
Kash Patel Lures Eric Swalwell Out Of Hiding By Dressing As Chinese Prostitute
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — After weeks of struggling to locate former Rep. Eric Swalwell, FBI Director Kash Patel resorted to an unconventional undercover operation Wednesday by disguising himself as a…
North Korea Fears Trump’s Compliments Have Ruined Its Terrifying Dictatorship Reputation
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — North Korean officials expressed growing concern Tuesday that President Donald Trump’s recent compliments have seriously damaged the country’s carefully cultivated reputation as one of the world’s…
UK Solves Migrant Rape Epidemic By Declaring Entire Country A ‘Rape-Free Zone’
LONDON, UK — Following a shocking surge in violent crime and assaults across the country, the UK Labour government has announced a brilliant, foolproof solution by passing emergency legislation declaring…
Mark Carney Awards Himself ‘Employee Of The Year’
OTTAWA, CANADA — Prime Minister Mark Carney was honored with the prestigious "Employee of the Year" award this week after conducting an exhaustive review of all employees at the federal…
