Mike Pence Announces He’s Running For President Of Ukraine
KIEV, UKRAINE-- After admitting at a Republican Primary Debate on Fox News that he puts the interests of Ukraine over the American people, former Vice President Mike Pence announced the…
Celebrities Call For People Who Post Mean Things Online To Be Executed
HOLLYWOOD-- Coming off of Kate Winslet's BAFTA awards speech in May where she called for more censorship on social media, celebrities of all shapes and colors have come together and…
MSNBC: ‘Who Cares If We Have A Senile, Cokehead President In Charge Of Nuclear Codes, At Least He’s Not Trump’
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- After a major cocaine scandal rocked the White House, MSNBC came to Joe Biden's defense and informed their audience that having a president who's a…
Biden Says He’s Now Voting For Trump After Getting Free Blizzard Ice Cream
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA-- After a campaign stop in Iowa, Donald Trump visited a local Dairy Queen and handed out free Blizzards to the large crowd of people, which surprisingly also…
In Support Of American Indians, Ben & Jerry’s Hires Native American Elizabeth Warren As Spokesperson
SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT-- Ben & Jerry's ice cream has thrown their full support behind the Native American community by hiring real-life American Indian Senator Elizabeth Warren as their spokesperson in…
US Officials Claim Russians Planted Coke Inside White House To Make Biden’s Son Look Like A Crackhead American Loser
WASHINGTON-- A new breakthrough in the mystery of how cocaine ended up inside of the White House came today with government officials claiming that they have substantial proof that the…
To Limit Global Warming, Biden Appoints Chris Christie As Official Sun Blocker
WASHINGTON-- To combat the dangerous effects of global warming by preventing the sun from reaching the earth, the White House announced they have formally appointed Republican Chris Christie to the…
Emmanuel Macron Ends France Riots By Playing Elton John’s ‘I’m Still Standing’ Song Over And Over Again
PARIS, FRANCE-- In order to restore order to the massive riots overtaking major cities in France, President Emmanuel Macron warned the rioters that if they didn't stop burning down French…
Elon Musk Limits Twitter Users To Only Those Whose Names Start With ‘Z’ On Saturdays Between 1:03AM And 2:37AM
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to address extreme levels of data scraping and system manipulation, Elon Musk tweeted out that he has solved the problem and is temporarily limiting…
Grieving Democrats Hold Vigil In Remembrance Of Affirmative Action
WASHINGTON-- Mourning Democrat politicians held a solemn vigil Friday in memory of the late Affirmative Action whom they say was callously struck down by the Supreme Court this week, promising…
Biden Invites Mosquitoes To White House To Celebrate Malaria Pride Month
WASHINGTON-- In honor of Malaria Pride Month, Joe Biden invited thousands of malaria-carrying mosquitoes to the White House in a celebration aimed at showing the infected insects that he has…
DOJ Releases Damning Evidence Of Trump Callously Telling Blind Man ‘I’ll See You Later’
WASHINGTON-- The walls are closing in on Donald Trump after the Department of Justice recently released a highly incriminating tape which allegedly has the insensitive former president telling a blind…
