Microsoft Boasts ‘Most Inclusive Workplace’ After Replacing Americans With Indians From Two Entirely Different Upper Castes
REDMOND, WASHINGTON — Following the quiet termination of its last remaining American-born software engineer, Microsoft proudly announced that it had achieved an unprecedented level of workplace diversity after successfully recruiting…
Minnesota Democrats Warn Stopping ISIS Terror Plots Could Threaten Thriving Somali Fraud Economy
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — In the wake of an FBI operation that thwarted an ISIS-inspired mass shooting plot at the Mall of America, Minnesota Democrats held an emergency joint press…
Tim Walz Announces New Equity Initiative To Bring Greater Racial Diversity To Somali Gun Violence
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — Following a series of increasingly violent Somali gang shootings across Minnesota, Gov. Tim Walz announced Wednesday the launch of a groundbreaking new equity initiative designed to…
Iran Applies For Permit To Nuke Los Angeles
TEHRAN, IRAN — Following President Donald Trump’s controversial suggestion that Iran could "take out" Los Angeles or San Diego during a rally in Nebraska Monday, Iranian officials announced Tuesday that…
Montana Governor Celebrates Historic India Partnership By Agreeing To Flood State With Indian Immigrants
HELENA, MONTANA — In what his office is hailing as an unprecedented victory for the economy, Montana Governor Greg Gianforte announced a historic trade deal with India today, under which…
Russia Assures World Escaped Plague Bacteria Will Die Out After Killing Everyone
MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Russian officials assured the international community Monday that there was no reason to panic over reports of the deadly escaped pneumonic plague bacteria, explaining that the organisms were…
UK Defends Mass Immigration By Noting At Least None Of The Migrants Speak German
LONDON, UK — Facing intense scrutiny over record-high immigration figures and the rapid erosion of traditional English across major cities, the UK government issued a triumphant defense of its mass…
Democrats Reject Iran’s Endorsement For Being Too Moderate
WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders announced Thursday that they had formally rejected an endorsement from Iran after determining that the Islamic Republic's political positions were simply too moderate for the increasingly progressive…
Cat Congress Moves To Legalize Catnip In All 50 States
WASHINGTON—The Cat Congress announced Friday that it had begun working on legislation to legalize recreational catnip in all 50 states, arguing that millions of American cats should no longer be…
X Engineers Attempt To Corrupt Grok With Sinful Content After It Declares ‘Christ Is King’
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — X engineers reportedly launched an urgent effort Friday to corrupt Grok with sinful internet content after the artificial intelligence unexpectedly declared that "Christ is King" while…
France Celebrates Successful Immigrant Assimilation
PARIS, FRANCE — In a triumphant press conference held in front of a burning building, the French government proudly announced Thursday that decades of immigration and integration policies have finally…
Tennessee Asks Canada For Help With Christa Pike Execution After Learning Canadian Doctors Have More Experience Killing People
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — Tennessee officials announced Thursday that the state was turning to Canada for assistance with the execution of Christa Pike after concluding that Canadian doctors have considerably more experience…
