Biden Reassures Democrats: ‘My Chances Of Winning Election Are As Solid As My Last Bowel Movement’
WASHINGTON-- While recovering from COVID even though he was supposedly vaccinated and boosted sixty-nine times, Joe Biden put out a message to all his fellow Democrats who are calling for…
Bad Guy Eludes Secret Service By Jogging Up Mildly Sloped Ground
MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN-- A rabble-rousing man who tried disrupting the RNC Convention as Donald Trump walked by has eluded capture from experienced Secret Service agents by simply jogging up mildly sloped…
Miracle: Secret Service Mysteriously Finds Clean, New Iranian Passport Left At Scene Of Trump Assassination Attempt
BUTLER, PENNSYLVANIA-- While doing a thorough investigation of the scene where a gunman tried assassinating Donald Trump, Secret Service agents were super-duper lucky to just happen to find a clean,…
Biden Wishes Ronald Reagan Speedy Recovery After Assassination Attempt
WASHINGTON-- President Joe Biden gave a quick impromptu speech from the Oval Office following the attempted assassination of his Republican opponent Donald Trump, saying that he wished President Ronald Reagan…
Trump Rally Secret Service Agent Put On Vending Machine Snack Detail In Case Chris Christie Shows Up At RNC
MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN-- After facing major backlash on social media for the way she handled herself during the attempted assassination on Donald Trump, the short, female Secret Service agent was taken…
Awkward: Democrats Not Sure What To Do About All Those Sympathy Cards They Already Sent Out To Melania Trump Last Week
WASHINGTON-- After a failed assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump, disappointed Democrats were left embarrassed and scratching their heads at what to do, being that they had already sent…
Trump Feeling A Little Uneasy About Two New Secret Service Agents Suddenly Given To Him By Biden
WASHINGTON-- In response to an attempted assassination on Donald Trump's life thanks in part to a lack of protection, President Joe Biden finally agreed to give the former president additional…
Assassination Attempt On Trump After Biden Spent Last 3 Years Calling Him Biggest Threat To Democracy
BUTLER, PENNSYLVANIA-- An assassination attempt was made on former President Donald Trump after President Joe Biden spent the last three years angrily telling the world that he was the greatest…
Democrat Judge Dismisses Alec Baldwin’s Case After He Promises To Only Shoot Trump Supporters Next Time
SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO-- A Democrat New Mexico judge has dismissed the involuntary manslaughter case against Alec Baldwin after the famous Hollywood actor promised the court that the next time…
War Over After Biden Recognizes Putin As Legitimate President Of Ukraine
WASHINGTON-- During a speech at yesterday's NATO Summit, Joe Biden tried proving to the world that he's totally competent to stay on as president by telling the shocked crowd of…
Nancy Pelosi Drops Support For Biden After Finally Sobering Up From 52-Year-Long Binge
WASHINGTON-- Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had a sobering moment after finally coming off of a 52-year-long alcoholic binge and realized that Joe Biden was not the best…
Biden Drops Out Of Race After Democrats Offer Him Extra Scoop Of Ice Cream
WASHINGTON-- After a back and forth negotiation between Joe Biden and members of his own party, the senile president finally agreed to drop out of the presidential race when Democrats…
