BRONX, NEW YORK– After yet another New York citizen was attacked by a bear while out hiking, NY Governor Kathy Hochul went to the Bronz Zoo to stand in front of an empty bear cage to prove once and for all that bears are safe and rarely attack anyone.
Once Bronx Zoo personnel tranquilized all the bears and then removed them from their cages, Governor Hochul stood behind two dozen, armed police officers to take a selfie of herself standing in front of the emptied out cage to show everyone that bears don’t attack humans.
“Here I am proving how safe bears are,” said Kathy Hochul in front of the empty cage after the tranquilized bears were placed in locked cages two miles away. “Ever since I became governor I made our subways as well as hiking trails safe and that no one needs to fear for their lives. I hope my organized stunt here today proves once and for all that bears rarely attack anyone.”
Only moments after Kathy Hochul had exited the zoo, one of the bear handlers was mauled to death as he tried waking one of the bears to move it back into its cage. Hochul later blamed the bear handler, saying that everyone is a little cranky first thing in the morning when they wake up.
Hochul also tried proving that sharks are safe by taking a bath in her home while watching the movie Jaws.
