NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– Judge Arthur Engoron made a bold move during the recent civil trial against Donald Trump by allowing New York Attorney General Letitia James to call a telepath to the witness stand to read the former president’s mind in an effort to finally prove his alleged guilt.
As everyone in the courtroom sat in their seats in silence, the bizarre telepath burst loudly through the courtroom doors and then went around touching the foreheads of various people to read their minds and prove his genuine ability.
“You madam, are thinking about your husband leaving the toilet seat up this morning,” said the telepath neurotically to a woman before she informed him that she was actually single. “Don’t deny it, we all know you’re guilty of berating your husband, which is why you’ve been cheating on him. Haven’t you?”
After he saw Trump shake his head and laugh, the judge smiled and then called the telepath up toward the bench.
“Yes, I’ll allow the expert witness,” said Judge Engoron with a smirk as the outlandish mind reader took the stand. “In my expert legal opinion, using the testimony of a mind reading lunatic dressed in Medieval clothing is objective, scientific, reliable, and the total opposite of hearsay.”
Once the state’s expert telepathic witness unsurprisingly said the former president was thinking about all of the illegal things he had done, Trump left the courtroom and later told news reporters that the case against him was a disgrace and that the telepath was lying because at the time he was actually thinking about how Rosie O’Donnell was still a nasty, fat pig.
“Rosie’s crude, rude, obnoxious, and dumb, other than that I like her very much,” thought Trump with a smile as he zoned out in front of dozens of people.
With the success of the telepath’s testimony, the New York attorney general told reporters that her next expert witness would be an invisible man who was with Trump the entire time he had allegedly committed his crimes.
