WASHINGTON– Finally addressing the failing US economy in a speech Thursday, President Joe Biden promised to fix America’s recession by quickly sending another $900 trillion to Ukraine in what Congress has called a major step in turning the country around.
“The first step in fixing something is admitting there’s a problem,” said Biden as workers loaded pallets of cash onto three large planes headed for the Ukraine. “I promise to help all you cash-strapped, poor Americans who can’t even buy groceries by sending another $900 trillion to Ukraine. That’s almost a zillion dollars, you know.”
After the roomful of reporters stood up and cheered Biden’s bold move to help the struggling US economy, the president promised the American people that he has put the smartest man he knows in charge of making sure every last penny of that money gets laundered back to the right people.
Biden called his naked son Hunter up on stage to take a bow before saying, “I’ve appointed my beautiful son Hunter as Ambassador to Ukraine to give the American people confidence that they’ll reap the rewards of knowing they helped a bunch of rich politicians get even richer. And for that I thank you.”
Due to the severe magnitude of the horrible economy and skyrocketing inflation, Congress has not only voted in favor of Biden’s $900 trillion to Ukraine, but has also increased the amount by another $69 gazillion.
