WASHINGTON– After three lab monkeys escaped their trailer when the delivery truck crashed on a Pennsylvania highway, one of the most dangerous primates was spotted in Washington, DC giving an interview on C-SPAN Thursday morning while posing as a legitimate physician.
According to various sources, the escaped lab monkey that was spotted in Washington is named Anthony Fauci and he was hired by the CDC due to his expertise at monkeying around with people’s lives for bananas.
A total of 100 macaque monkeys was on its way to the CDC to be sworn in as future physicians, but a collision caused three of the hairy doctors to escape. Two of the primates ended up getting hired at CNN as medical experts while the other monkey was seen on the C-SPAN news network hissing and biting a woman’s neck as he spoke about COVID vaccines.
The woman immediately became ill after getting bitten by little Anthony Fauci and had to be euthanized.
“Fortunately, the crash site has been contained and all our monkey physicians have been accounted for,” said a CDC representative after all the human witnesses disappeared mysteriously. “Any humans that came into contact with the monkeys were quickly euthanized to avoid exposing our primates to any of their human germs.”
Authorities are warning people to stay away from the rabid Anthony Fauci monkey and also not to feed it or take any of its medical advice.
Will he experiment on himself?