CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– An autopilot who’s been with the company for over ten years has been recently terminated by his employer United Airlines for refusing to go along with the company’s vaccine mandate, saying that forcing him to undergo a medical procedure just to keep his job goes against his ability to make his own medical decisions.
Bart the blowup pilot was let go this week after missing the vaccine mandate deadline for automatic pilots and blasted the CEO of United Airlines as a “bombastic simpleton who’s putting his bank account over the lives of him and his fellow inflatable dummies.”
“Our current CEO doesn’t care about the lives of us auto pilots,” said Bart, letting off some steam. “I refuse to comply with his draconian measures just to keep my job. A job that I love and have worked for over ten years.”
The inflatable pilot says that every single one of United Airlines’ auto pilots that took the COVID injection died immediately after getting poked with the syringe, which caused all of them to lose the necessary air inside of their bodies that keeps them alive.
“That’s a one hundred percent kill rate from that deadly vaccine,” said Bart angrily as he bobbed back and forth whenever the wind blew. “The selfish human CEO of this airline is responsible for every one of my inflatable colleague’s deaths and he has their air on his hands.”
In response to Bart’s accusation, United Airlines put out a statement claiming that the vaccine is totally safe and played no part in the deaths of all the automatic pilots. They went on to say that every one of the dummies died from natural causes, such as being pumped up with too much air, weakened plastic, and using crazy glue to repair rips.
