ALBANY, NEW YORK– The COVID-19 virus is the latest victim to come forward with sexual assault allegations against Gov. Andrew Cuomo, claiming the touch-feely politician was less than six feet away from him on numerous occasions without his consent and while not wearing a protective mask.
A visibly shaken Coronavirus gave a press conference and said the unwanted physical contact started last year after Cuomo gave a pandemic news briefing about the dangers of getting too close to the virus without the protection of a face mask, gloves, and social distancing.
Cuomo was quick to deny the allegations being made by COVID-19, saying the deadly virus is simply trying to stay relevant due to the world starting to move on from the global plague because of the rise of the Vaccine’s popularity and beauty.
“I was so confused and shocked and embarrassed,” Coronavirus said as he recalled the numerous unwanted advances of Cuomo. “I couldn’t believe the unmasked governor got so close to me right after he went on live television telling everyone how dangerous it was to come within six feet of me. What a hypocrite.”
COVID’s allegations comes after the flu and cold viruses also accused Mr. Cuomo of sexual harassment in the workplace, bringing into question the governor’s ability to keep his wandering hands off of contaminated surfaces.
A spokesman for the governor said in a statement that Mr. Cuomo has been vaccinated against Coronavirus, thereby making him repulsed by the virus and proving all the sexual harassment allegations to be false.
UPDATE: After this article was written, it was reported that Gov. Cuomo came out with his own sexual assault allegations against the Coronavirus Vaccine, saying he was at a party when the Vaccine jabbed him from behind against his will.
