LONDON, ENGLAND– British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is self-isolating for the 69th time this year after he came in contact with his government office on Downing Street and realized there was too much work to handle for a man of his limited capabilities.
The 56-year-old sometimes leader went into hiding once again late Saturday when he became inundated with countless phone calls from British citizens begging him to do his job and to stop self-quarantining just to get away from his official duties.
After the BBC falsely accused the prime minister of self-isolating due to the coronavirus, Johnson released a video statement to the press letting the world know that he was going into quarantine because he could no longer handle the difficult government position and would be staying at home until things got a little easier.
“I am self-isolating myself once again due to my incompetence and uselessness, not due to COVID-19,” Johnson explained at the start of the viral video. “I have come to realize, dear chaps, that I am as useless as tits on a boar hog and I can no longer lie to the British people. I’m also not the sharpest tool in the shed, I’m afraid.”
Johnson went on to say that he will be hiding out inside of his house for the rest of his term as prime minster and asks that everyone be patient as he keeps himself trapped at home at the best possible time for the people of the U.K. because he won’t be getting in the way of progress.
“I have built up quite an incredible amount of immunity to real responsibilities,” Boris said at the end of the video while eating soup with a slotted spoon. “I will be remembered as the greatest non-essential prime minister in Britain’s history,”
