SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– A major food company based in San Francisco is leading the charge in an multi-million dollar ad campaign to push genetically modified foods, claiming that GMO is a much healthier alternative to non-GMO organic.
The campaign, which uses the slogan GMO: Get Moving Organic, was started as an answer to the millions of people who protested against the use of GMO’s and sought out more healthier, organic, non-GMO foods.
Edward Ickleman, an executive for Purulent Foods, says that altering a food’s DNA is the new hip way of consuming foods, citing that only mean old people eat non-GMO foods or grow their own time-consuming fruits and vegetables.
“Do you wanna be cool or do you wanna eat boring foods in their more natural state?” Ickleman asked a crowd of protesters from the window of his corporate office. “To show all you doubting Thomas’s just how safe genetically modified foods are, I’m gonna inject this genetically modified apple with 10 cc’s of a very poisonous herbicide and have my South American maid eat it in front of you. This’ll prove to you how easily the apple will resist the poison.”
After injecting the apple with the chemical, Ickleman led his maid toward the window and handed her the fruit, where she confusedly nodded and ate it down to the core.
The GMO: Get Moving Organic ad campaign hired numerous celebrities to push the anti-organic foods by wearing GMO t-shirts and making rap songs touting the health benefits as well as street cred you’ll receive after eating the foods.
Amid additional anti-GMO protests, Ickleman hired yet another maid after the first one passed away and forced the second maid to scarf down a can of GMO soda that was laced with a normally fatal bacteria.
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