NEW YORK, NEW YORK– In a sit-down interview last night with CNN reporter Aseem Sala Kuttaa, former presidential hopeful Bob Dole gave a rare inside look into his past that everyone, other than him, had already known about.
After spit-shining his infamous writing utensil and then taking out a handkerchief, a sobbing Bob Dole looked into the camera and came clean about a former acting career that somehow he had forgotten about.
“I had totally forgotten about that,” Dole said, blowing his nose. “It’s true, I swear, Mr. Allabad. You smug reporters think that the only things all of us politicians do is lie, cheat and steal. Well, I’m here to tell you, Mr. Akamabad Shing, that’s only partially true. ”
When asked why the rest of the world knows more about his own life than he does, Dole was elusive. “You try wiping your buttocks while holding a pen and let’s see how well you do, Mr. Ashwari Sundai.
“And just so you know, I’m not admitting to anything,” he said as he ripped off his microphone and stormed out of the hut. “Especially that I was Fire Marshall Bill on In Living Color! Oops.”
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