After Winning Washington DC, Nikki Haley Says She’s One Step Closer To Being Able To Start World War 3
WASHINGTON-- After winning Washington, DC in the Republican primary, presidential candidate Nikki Haley gave a celebratory speech in front of a massive crowd of five people and said that she…
FBI Arrests Squirrel That Wandered Haplessly Near Capitol Building On January 6
WASHINGTON-- Brave FBI agents are being heralded as heroes for arresting a squirrel that happened to be running near the Capitol Building on January 6 and have charged the racist…
Rishi Sunak Promises He’s Not Lying, Despite Nose Growing On Camera
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM-- After facing yet more criticism for being accused of lying, UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak gave a press conference to tell all his naysayers that he has…
Biden Closes Border Immediately After Seeing Illegal Aliens Chanting ‘Trump’
WASHINGTON-- Only hours after going down to the Texas border for his pre-election photo op, Joe Biden became incensed after seeing hundreds of illegal aliens chanting "Trump for President" and…
192-Year-Old Ghoul Mitch McConnell Says His Political Career’s Far From Over
WASHINGTON-- As soon as the news had spread that Mitch McConnell was stepping down from his position as GOP Senate leader, the Kentucky Republican was quick to set the record…
Satan Welcomes Home Favorite Son Jacob Rothschild
HELL-- Financier and one of the wealthiest people in the world Jacob Rothschild died this week and no one was happier than his father Satan, the Prince of Darkness himself.…
RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel Resigns To Have More Time Destroying Republicans From Behind The Scenes
WASHINGTON-- It's official. Ronna McDaniel announced that she has resigned from her position as RNC chair in order to be able to spend more time taking down the Republican party…
Nikki Haley’s So Bad That Even She Voted For Trump In South Carolina Primary
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA-- Donald Trump was declared the winner by a landslide at last night's South Carolina primary as the majority of voters cast their vote for the former president,…
Netflix Releases New Movie Based On The Illegal Alien Invasion Crisis At Texas Border
LOS GATOS, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to finally shine a light on the southern Texas border crisis, Netflix has released a gritty new movie about the illegal alien invasion that…
UK High Court Judge Overseeing Julian Assange Case Looks Strangely Familiar
LONDON, ENGLAND-- With the extradition case of famous whistleblower Julian Assange underway in the UK, numerous internet sleuths were quick to point out that one of the high court judges…
Biden Competes With Trump’s Sneakers By Selling $69 Gold Diapers
WASHINGTON-- Not one to be upstaged by his Republican opponent, President Joe Biden has decided to compete with Donald Trump's recent launch of his sold-out $399 gold Trump sneakers and…
Trudeau Offers Biden Canadian Mounties To Trample Over American Trucker Protesters
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Immediately after hearing the news that American truckers were planning a protest in support of Donald Trump, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau quickly phoned President Joe Biden and offered…
