Released JFK Files Reveal President Was Assassinated Because Street Was Too Sloped For Secret Service
WASHINGTON-- The long-awaited JFK Files have been released, finally revealing that John F. Kennedy was assassinated because the street his car was driving on was too sloped for the Secret…
Antelope Leader Begins Importing Lions Into Their Herd To Make It More Diverse
AFRICA-- A newly elected leader of an antelope herd has been facing criticism from its fellow antelopes for the controversial decision to start importing lions into their herd in order…
Discontented Zelensky Reminisces About The Good Old Days When A Corrupt, Senile U.S. President Would Just Send Him Billions Every Week
KIEV, UKRAINE-- Struggling to make ends meet and not getting the blind support he was used to getting the last few years, disaffected President Zelensky took time out of his…
St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun Beaten, Robbed After Mistakenly Wandering Into Immigrant No-Go Zone Of Ireland
BALLYHAUNIS, IRELAND-- Authorities have reported that the famous Leprechaun was beaten and robbed early Sunday morning after he mistakenly wandered into an immigrant-only no-go zone of Ireland. The Leprechaun was…
CNN: Trump Violently Attacks Reporter’s Microphone With His Face
JOINT BASE ANDREWS, MARYLAND-- The world's most trusted news source CNN has reported breaking news that President Donald Trump has viciously attacked an innocent news reporter's microphone in a fit…
Emperor-Appointed Judge Orders Rebel Alliance Not To Destroy Death Star
CORUSCANT-- The Rebel Alliance were forced to cease operations and leave the scene immediately after a Galactic Empire judge appointed by the Emperor made a last minute ruling that they…
Nancy Pelosi Offers To Take All The U.S. Alcohol Canada Removed From Their Stores
WASHINGTON-- After hearing that Canada was removing all US liquor from their stores to spite President Trump, California Representative Nancy Pelosi quickly contacted the Canadian government and told them that…
Canada Prime Minister Urges Liberal Canadian Men To Stockpile Tampons In Preparation For U.S. Tariffs
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Canada's newly unelected Liberal Party Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out an urgent message to all the Liberal Canadian men in the Great White North Country to begin…
UK To Rename City Of Birmingham To ‘Birminglamb’ To Be More Culturally Sensitive
BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND-- As the immigrant population continues to grow in the United Kingdom, the UK government has decided to continue its reformation by renaming the highly offensive city of Birmingham…
MAHA: RFK Jr. Announces Vaccines Will Now Be Cooked In Beef Tallow
U.S.-- Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. recently announced another win for the health of Americans after pharmaceutical drug companies agreed to finally start cooking their vaccines in the…
Elon Musk Disguises Tesla Vehicles As Liberals So Rioters Will Stop Burning Them
U.S.-- As leftist rioters around the country continue to attack Tesla dealerships, CEO Elon Musk was forced to come up with an idea to stop them from burning them up…
U.S. Border Patrol Places George Floyd Statues Along U.S.-Canada Border To Lure Fentanyl Dealers
U.S.-- President Donald Trump's war on fentanyl just took a bold step in stopping the smugglers from bringing the drugs into the United States after US Border Patrol agents set…
