ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — Minnesota Governor Tim Walz announced Thursday that he is exploring a mandatory 10-day waiting period for the purchase of apple cider vinegar within state lines, citing “clear and present acidity” after a man allegedly squirted a small amount of the liquid on Rep. Ilhan Omar during a public meeting.
The “Safe Salad Act” bill, which mirrors the state’s existing gun laws, would require buyers to undergo background checks, wait 10 days, and attend a 4-hour “Vinegar Safety” class before being allowed to purchase the condiment.
“We cannot stand idly by while our grocery aisles are turned into armories,” a somber Tim Walz told reporters, standing in front of a table displaying several confiscated 32-ounce bottles of Bragg’s. “Our Founding Fathers intended for vinegar to be used for pickling and perhaps a light vinaigrette. They never envisioned a world where a 5% acidity solution could be weaponized in a public forum. Enough is enough.”
Governor Walz assured pro-vinegar enthusiasts that the government wasn’t coming for their vinegar or trying to take away their vinegar rights.
“We’re just saying if you really need vinegar for your cleanse, your marinade, or your folk remedy blog, you can wait ten days,” Walz quipped. “I mean, we’ve seen what happens when everyday kitchen items fall in the wrong hands. This individual who ruthlessly attacked Congresswoman Omar woke up, went to the store and within minutes had access to apple cider vinegar. That’s a dangerous loophole that we need to close.”
