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Congress Senator Mitch McConnell with blood dripping from his mouth dressed as a zombie for Halloween.

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London Declared Safest City In Europe For People Who Don’t Visit London

LONDON, UK — London has officially been declared the safest city in…

Daily Soak Staff

Elmo Insists New Chinese Muppet Was Just A Friend Who Wanted To Learn About US Military Bases

SESAME STREET — Elmo defended his friendship with a newly arrived Chinese…

Daily Soak Staff

Congress Introduces Historic Bill To Give Every Homeless Veteran A Cardboard Box

WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders are describing as a historic breakthrough…

Daily Soak Staff

AOC Accuses Americans Of Islamophobia For Not Celebrating Hindu Manure Festival

WASHINGTON – Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AOC, accused Americans of rampant Islamophobia Tuesday…

Daily Soak Staff

Trump Retaliates For China’s Spying By Sending Marco Rubio To Charm Xi Jinping

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that the United States was launching…

Daily Soak Staff

UK Police Arrest Sexual Predator After Establishing The Suspect Is Not Muslim

LONDON, UK — British police announced Monday that they had successfully arrested…

Daily Soak Staff

Trump Surprised To Learn Voters Took His Mass Deportation Promise Seriously

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump reportedly expressed surprise Monday after discovering that…

Daily Soak Staff

Pharisees Accuse Jesus Of Spreading Dangerous Misinformation After He Quotes Scripture

JERUSALEM — Local religious authorities accused Jesus of spreading dangerous misinformation Sunday…

Daily Soak Staff

Greg Abbott Wondering If He Spent Too Much Time Working For Everyone But Texans

AUSTIN, TEXAS — Following his stunning election defeat Tuesday, outgoing Texas Governor…

Daily Soak Staff

Progressive Transplants Confident They Can Ruin Texas Even Faster Than They Ruined California

AUSTIN, TEXAS — Thousands of progressive transplants arriving in Texas from California…

Daily Soak Staff

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