John Thune Explains He’s Just Not Ready For A Serious Relationship With SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader John Thune sat down with reporters Tuesday to clarify rumors surrounding his increasingly complicated relationship with the SAVE Act, explaining that while he thinks the…
Keir Starmer Steps Down, Immediately Handing Power To Bold New Islamic Leader ‘Keirlifa Starmaleed’
LONDON, UK — Following months of historic unpopularity, compounding street protests, and growing demands for his resignation, Prime Minister Keir Starmer announced his immediate resignation from office this morning, only…
Luke Skywalker Posts Heartfelt Father’s Day Tribute To Man Who Cut Off His Hand
AHCH-TO — In a touching Father's Day social media post Sunday, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker paid tribute to his father, Darth Vader, the Sith Lord best known for severing his…
Mark Levin Warns ‘America First’ Platform Contains Disturbing Amount Of America
LOUDOUN, VIRGINIA — Conservative radio host Mark Levin warned his listeners that the "America First" platform has been dangerously contaminated by a literal, legal focus on the United States. The…
Stevie Wonder Says He Doesn’t See Any Problem With Obama Library Design
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — As criticism continues to mount over the appearance of the new Obama Presidential Library, legendary musician Stevie Wonder has emerged as perhaps the project's most enthusiastic supporter,…
Trump Spotted Quietly Placing JD Vance ‘I Did That’ Stickers On Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — Just hours after signing a historic and highly controversial peace treaty to end the war with Iran, President Donald Trump was reportedly spotted in the Oval Office quietly sneaking…
UK Police Rescue Trafficked Teenager Just To Arrest Her For Illegal TikTok Use
ROTHERHAM, UK — In a dramatic, early-morning raid that authorities are hailing as a massive victory for online safety, armed officers from the Metropolitan Police successfully breached a known criminal…
MLB Suspends God For Three Games Following Unauthorized Rainbow Usage
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — In a landmark disciplinary action, Major League Baseball (MLB) announced it has suspended God for three games without pay after determining He displayed an unauthorized rainbow…
Netanyahu Demands Emergency Summit To Address Growing Threat Of De-Escalation
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL — Alarmed by the sudden and terrifying outbreak of diplomatic resolution, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu convened an emergency international summit Tuesday to address what officials described as…
Mark Carney Secures Historic Foreign Investment After Modi Agrees To Supply 500,000 Future Tim Hortons Workers
ÉVIAN-LES-BAINS, FRANCE — Heralding it as a transformative victory for the domestic economy, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney concluded his bilateral meetings at the G7 Summit today by announcing a…
UK Police Storm Hospital After Ultrasound Spots Fetus Forming A ‘Hate Symbol’ With Its Hand
LONDON, UK — In a swift and decisive victory for digital safety, a heavily armed Metropolitan Police counter-terrorism unit raided a local London hospital early Monday morning after a routine…
Trump Unveils Pride Month Concession By Appointing Lindsey Graham As Lead Octagon Girl For UFC Freedom Event
WASHINGTON — In a historic bipartisan compromise to appease angry Democrats and fulfill federal diversity quotas, President Trump announced today that Senator Lindsey Graham will serve as the official Lead Octagon…
