LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA– Pop star Rihanna’s new album Auto-Tune: I Ain’t Mad At Cha has been struggling to achieve sales since its release three months ago.
The unorthodox album, which features Rihanna singing all of her songs au natural without the help of auto-tune, has only managed to make three sales. Sources close to the star claim that those three purchases were made by Rihanna herself and given to the U.S. government to use to torture ISIS prisoners into giving confessions.
In May, Rihanna was crowned by Rolling Stone magazine as this year’s first singer to reach less than ten album sales in a span of three months. Last year, the dubious honor went to Justin Beiber for only selling five units of his album Weiner: No Photoshop This Time in three months.
Fans across the world have voiced their outrage at Rihanna’s decision to forgo auto-tune.
“I can’t believe she did this to me,” said 14 year old Gabby Watson, Rihanna’s biggest fan. “I really thought she loved me. Every time I hear one of her her new songs playing somewhere I feel like she’s telling me that she hates me and we’re not best friends anymore. I haven’t eaten anything these past three months.”
In response to all her fans requests, songs on Rhianna’s next album will have double the auto-tune, including having her breathing, blinking, thoughts, and emotions auto-tuned as well.
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