BROWNSTAIN, NEW YORK– In what the medical establishment is calling nothing short of a miracle, the Reverend Al Sharpton has defied all odds and pulled through a severe attack from the typically deadly\u00a0brain-eating amoeba, causing the entire world to breathe a sigh of relief.<\/p>\n
Naegleria fowleri, known colloquially as the “brain-eating amoeba” by fear-mongering reputable news media outlets,\u00a0is a free-living, bacteria-feeding amoeba that can be pathogenic, making its way into a host through their nasal cavity\u00a0and into their brain where the amoeba uses the brain as its food source\u00a0until the host eventually dies from a slow, painful death.<\/p>\n
“Count Mr. Sharpton as one of the lucky ones,” said brain\u00a0surgeon Dr. Bart Simpson of the Springfield Medical Center for Animal Research. “The fatality\u00a0rate for anyone\u00a0attacked by the brain-eating amoeba is a staggering 98%. Normally,\u00a0people just don’t survive. Apparently Mr. Sharpton’s intracranial cavity was at its most\u00a0minimal\u00a0capacity\u00a0for a human to exist and, fortunately for him, it wasn’t enough for the amoebas to survive. Or do I say\u00a0amoebae?”<\/p>\n
The so-called brain-eating amoeba was first discovered in Australia in 1965, the same year fellow comedian Bill Cosby got his big break starring in the TV sitcom I Spy.<\/p>\n
But Dr. Simpson wants to stress that every person’s case is unique. “Not everyone has the same size or operable brain,” he warned, his yellow skin poking through his white lab coat. “It’s all contingent on that one factor. The 2% of survivors all had that one thing in common. So, in layman’s terms, the smaller and more incompetent your brain is the better chance of survival you’ll have.”<\/p>\n
After Sharpton’s story gave the affliction\u00a0mainstream attention, numerous\u00a0public figures have come out and also admitted that they too were fortunate survivors of the\u00a0brain-eating amoeba. A-list celebrities such as Rosie O’Donnell, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, Kanye West and world leaders such as\u00a0George Bush, North Korea’s Kim Jong-un and Germany’s Angela Merkel are all survivors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
BROWNSTAIN, NEW YORK– In what the medical establishment is calling nothing short of a miracle, the Reverend Al Sharpton has defied all odds and pulled through a severe attack from the typically deadly\u00a0brain-eating amoeba, causing the entire world to breathe a sigh of relief. Naegleria fowleri, known colloquially as the “brain-eating amoeba” by fear-mongering reputable […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1680,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[54,242,253,131,147,43,1079,132,1114],"class_list":["post-705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-tech-health","tag-al-sharpton","tag-brain","tag-brain-eating-amoeba","tag-kanye-west","tag-kim-kardashian","tag-medical","tag-miley-cyrus","tag-paris-hilton","tag-rated-pg"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=705"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}