WASHINGTON \u2014 President Donald Trump announced Friday that he had reluctantly authorized a nuclear strike on Texas in what he described as a compassionate effort to spare the state’s remaining conservative residents from the suffering of living under an increasingly radical Democrat government.<\/p>\n
Calling it one of the most difficult decisions of his presidency, Trump said he had exhausted every possible alternative before concluding that eliminating the state altogether was ultimately the kindest thing he could do for its residents.<\/p>\n
“Believe me, nobody wanted to do this,” Trump told reporters during a somber White House address. “I love Texas. Great people, tremendous people. But I looked at what was happening down there, and I said, these people are suffering. They’re going to have to live under Democrats, radical Democrats, California Democrats. I couldn’t let that happen to them. Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions, even when they break your heart.”<\/p>\n
The president also dismissed suggestions that conservative Texans could simply relocate to neighboring Republican states, arguing that forcing them to abandon their homes, businesses, and communities would only prolong their suffering once Democrat locusts take over the entire country.<\/p>\n