{"id":37959,"date":"2026-09-15T09:07:02","date_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:07:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/?p=37959"},"modified":"2026-09-15T09:07:02","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:07:02","slug":"satan-threatens-to-send-unruly-sinners-back-to-canada-to-wait-for-medical-treatment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/2026\/09\/15\/satan-threatens-to-send-unruly-sinners-back-to-canada-to-wait-for-medical-treatment\/","title":{"rendered":"Satan Threatens To Send Unruly Sinners Back To Canada To Wait For Medical Treatment"},"content":{"rendered":"

HELL \u2014 Satan announced recently that he has instituted a new disciplinary policy for unruly sinners, threatening to send them back to a Canadian emergency room to wait for medical treatment if they continue causing problems in the underworld.<\/p>\n

The Prince of Darkness said the new punishment was developed after traditional methods of torment, including eternal fire, lakes of brimstone, and being forced to listen to demons play bagpipes, failed to adequately discourage bad behavior among the damned.<\/p>\n

“Normally, I can simply threaten someone with another thousand years of unimaginable suffering,” Satan explained. “But eventually you reach a point where even eternal damnation loses its impact. Then I realized I could threaten to send them back to Canada.”<\/p>\n

Under the new policy, sinners who refuse to follow Hell\u2019s rules will be stripped of their demonic accommodations and transported back to Canada<\/a>, where they will be placed on a waiting list for medical treatment.<\/p>\n

According to Satan, the punishment will begin with the sinner attempting to find a family doctor before being referred to a specialist, who will then place them on a waiting list for an appointment several years in the future.<\/p>\n

Satan said the threat has already produced remarkable results, with several of Hell’s most defiant residents suddenly becoming cooperative after learning that their alternative was returning to Canada.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

HELL \u2014 Satan announced recently that he has instituted a new disciplinary policy for unruly sinners, threatening to send them back to a Canadian emergency room to wait for medical treatment if they continue causing problems in the underworld. The Prince of Darkness said the new punishment was developed after traditional methods of torment, including […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37960,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[259,1113,257],"class_list":["post-37959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-world","tag-canada","tag-rated-g","tag-satan"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37959","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37959"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37959\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/37960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}